It’s the first lesson ever and the kid sees you, the music teacher, for the first time. That’s the child you will be working with for a long time. You talk to the child. The child doesn’t respond. The mom encourages her to talk, the child refuses to make a sound, not even a whine.

The child is stuck like a koala on an eucalpytus tree. She clings on to her mom.

You ask the child to touch the piano. The child doesn’t move an inch, frozen like an ice princess staring blankly at the piano.

Sounds familiar?

After years of experimenting and working with so many children, I found many methods to deal with these situations. What may seem to be a frustrating situation for all in the music studio, can become a pleasant and fulfilling experience. Here’s a suggestion. It is a 3 step process, try it next time when you encounter a shy kid in class!

  

Step 1: RESPECT THE CHILD

The child is encountering a new situation for the first time. Let her be in her comfort zone – in this case, being silent and unresponsive. Instead, focus on creating an environment that allows the child to feel comfortable in the studio.

For example, connect with the mom. Connecting with her mom is crucial – build a relationship with her mom that can support you in your vision to make music a joyful learning experience for the child and for yourself. Ask questions about the child that can be useful in interacting with the child.

Examples of questions may be:

  1. What does the child like to do at home? Look for activities that the child is happy doing: Drawing, coloring, flipping pages, dancing, singing, etc.
  1. Is there a favorite toy that the child likes? If there is a toy that the child hangs on to, ask the child to bring her favorite toy to school so that she can share the fun with her toy. Show her YOUR favorite toy!

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The child will be observing your interaction with her mom. If the interaction is filled with smiles, laughter and excitement, she will understand that her mom trusts you and henceforth, trust you too, in time.

  

Step 2: USE WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT THE CHILD

You discover things about the child through your interaction with her mom. Use the information to build trust and connection with the child.

For example, if the child loves drawing.

  1. Put the child in a space of comfort, doing things she already knows and is happy doing.
    • Pass her some colour Crayola and a blank sheet of paper and ask her to draw while you play the piano.
  2. Add in music while she is doing the things she like
    • Play some familiar nursery tunes and have the mom sing along with you
  3. Ask to join in her comfort zone
    • You and her mom do some coloring and drawing too
  4. Ask her to join in your zone – the music zone
    • Choose a winnable small goal
    • A win is when she is willing to sit at the piano bench for 5 seconds, or when she uses her fingers to make a sound on the piano
  5. Allow her back into her comfort zone while you and her mom stays in the music zone
    • Teach the mom what to teach at home!

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Step 3: REWARD THE CHILD & THE PARENT

Reward is a powerful motivational tool. Build small winnable goals for the child throughout the lesson and reward each win. Explain why you reward the child: “I’m giving you this sticker as a reward because you did this and this”

Example of a sequence of small winnable goals:

  • She didn’t cry! Say: because you are so brave to come into this music studio with your mommy
  • She drew a picture at the behest of her mom. Say: because you listened to your mommy
  • She goes into your music zone. Say: because you listened to teacher

Reward the mom too for working with you. A sticker to an adult is just as effective to a child!

In this situation, the experience is positive for the child and everyone is happy!

 

Don’t be afraid to try out the process, the only way we become better teachers is to do it. If it works, then build on what works. If it doesn’t work, you now know what doesn’t work and therefore, have an opportunity to try another approach. Give it a shot and let me know how it works for you!

 

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