Have you (the music teacher) ever had a child explode in your classroom? Maybe you didn’t know how to handle it. Especially when you’re new to teaching, it can be a nerve-racking experience!

After 20 years of teaching, I found many methods to deal with these hot situations. In less than 10 minutes they will calm down and you can get back to having a good time with teaching. Here’s the 4 step process, try it the next time you have a conflict in class!

 

  • FIRST STEP: LET THEM SCREAM IT OUT, IF NEEDED

If a child has lost their temper, they are full of emotion and really need to let out that energy and express themselves. Many teachers are afraid of the child’s reaction and try immediately to calm them down. Instead, let them express their frustration, and when they are done, you can move onto step 2:

  • SECOND STEP: TALK TO THEM IN A QUIET VOICE

Music teachers are often taught that shouting and “disciplining” a child is the best route. I believe this is a dangerous habit that teachers have picked up that actually does more harm than good. Not only does it traumatise or negatively affect the child (maybe they will distrust you instead of feel safe and happy around you as a teacher) but it’s not a pleasant experience for you as a teacher to be shouting and annoyed all the time. It’s better to go through life with joy and patience, and believe it or not, even the most rebellious children will respond. So speak to them in a calm voice, THEN (and this step is important), ASK THEM WHAT THEY WANT.

Asking them what they want allows them to take responsibility for their emotions.

Try this: “I can’t understand you when you are yelling/whining. If you want me to help you, I need you to use your regular voice”

Most kids reveal something they want to do – so let them. For example, “I want to put this toy back all by myself”

If they say something that shows their reluctance to take some action, like “I don’t want to touch the instruments” or “I don’t want to play” that’s your cue for step 3:

If they say something that shows their desire to want something more than what was already given, like “I want another sticker”, or “I want that toy” go to step 4.

  • THIRD STEP: GENTLY GUIDE THEM BACK, BY ASKING IF YOU CAN PLAY INSTEAD

Usually the child will not mind if you are the one making music, once they have let out their emotions and you calmly ask them what they want. They can sit or sulk while you play a song. Once they calmed down, you can ask them if they want to help.

If they say no, that’s okay. Praise them for listening. Ask if they can help to press a key at the piano, and praise them. Children will respond and shift in amazing ways once we give them an opportunity for positive reinforcement.

  • FOURTH STEP: VALIDATE THEIR FEELINGS

A few choices to test out on the child.

“I know you really want an extra sticker, but every child gets one sticker in the class”

“I know you want to play with this toy, but we are going to play a game called Wolf. When I count to 10, I will become a wolf searching for toys to eat, so you must hide the toy before the Wolf appears”

 

Here’s the worst case scenario: the child refuses to accept anything but the thing they want – try this:

“I can’t give you this sticker, but I will give it to your mom to reward you when you are calm at home”

 

Give it a shot and let me know how it works for you!

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